© Kat Morgan 1999/2000

In Name Only

Chapter 30: Wedding nights

When the tour was over everyone, with the exception of Brian and Leighanne, returned to their homes in Florida. Contrary to what she’d supposed, being at home made it easier to spend time with Kevin. She just told Howie that she had story meetings and had to some research and headed out. He didn’t question it; he was spending as much time as he could with his family, and when he wasn’t with them he was with Paul. She would have worried about the validity of her excuse is she hadn’t been writing like a demon in the time when she wasn’t with Kevin. She couldn’t help it. She was inspired.

The first week of their return flew by faster that she realized and then it was time for Kevin and Nick to fly out to Kentucky. While all the Boys were in the wedding party, Nick was Best Man – never let a Frick be without his Frack, after all, and Kevin wanted to spend some time with his family.

AJ, Howie, Kat, and, surprisingly enough, Paul, were flying out a few days before the ceremony. Howie had been overjoyed when Paul called to say he had received a totally unexpected invitation. It meant so much to him. Kat was still surprised at the gesture. She knew that of all of them Brian had been the first to fully accept Howie’s sexuality, but this was so much more than that. Brian hadn’t told anyone. He’d simply mailed Paul the invite; a level of acceptance no one had expected. What’s more, Brian seemed surprised by everyone’s reaction. Paul was part of the Backstreet family for now, wasn’t he?


A Backstreet wedding was definitely a media event. Brian was starting to rue the day he’d tried to cash in on his celebrity status to get the wedding date he’d wanted. Not only had he not been successful, but now everyone knew about the wedding. As soon as the news reports broke Brian’s brother Harold had booked every room in the largest hotel in town – ensuring that the wedding guest had some where to stay. His forethought was proven correct: you couldn’t get a place to stay anywhere within 50 miles of town, as the place was inundated with the media and fans.

Kat felt sorry for Mark, Terry and the rest of the group’s bodyguards. Instead of just coming as guests for a wedding, suddenly they were called into duty. Brian had taken care to ensure that a private security team was hired, but Mark and Terry knew the Boys best, and kept jumping in to lend a hand. After a few days they just took over and directed the other team.

For herself, if one more reporter asked her how it felt to no longer be the only Backstreet Wife she’d go nuts. She’d joked to Howie that he should just pull out his ever-present videocamera, tape her response to the question, make lots of duplicates and just let her hand them out whenever anyone asked. He’d just laughed, kissed her and sad it wouldn’t be fair; he’d endured years of the same questions over and over again from interviewers, she’d just have to suffer a few weeks of this. She was going to get back at him for that… somehow. Food colouring in his shampoo? Short-sheeting his bed? She wasn’t sure, but she’d get him for it. And judging from the way he was checking everything before using it, he knew it too.

The wedding was fairytale-like. Both Brian and Leighanne positively glowed. It was impossible not to smile when you looked at them. Despite that, Kat was having trouble focusing on anything other than Kevin. He’d only been away for a few days and she’d missed him terribly. Since she’d arrived they had been around each other at all of the pre-wedding events, but unable to do anything more than give each other a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

Now he stood up there, tall, dark and handsome, his lithe frame covered in a dark grey tuxedo, the crisp white collarless shirt emphasizing his tanned skin. He looked like a god.

She knew the look on her face mirrored the one that B-Rok and Leigh had on theirs. Fortunately Kevin stood next to Howie in the wedding party and for all others it looked like the love shining on her face was for her husband. Kevin knew the truth and would often shoot her a sexy smile, causing her breath to catch and heart to race. He continued to tease her that night at the reception. She had spent most of the night dancing with Howie, though she had danced with Nick and AJ a few times. It was almost impossible to tear Brian away from his bride, so she was unsurprised when, halfway through her dance with him, he suddenly asked if he could switch partners, leaving her standing there in front of Kevin while Brian swirled Leighanne away.

The two watched the groom and his bride glide off, then Kevin turned to her. "Hi." He said, his voice low and husky, his "seky" voice as AJ called it.

"Hi," she replied shyly, letting him put his arms around her in a close, slow dance.

"Miss me?"

"Yes, dammit," she thought, but answered sweetly, "Oh? Were you gone somewhere?"

He chuckled; she could feel it all through her body. "I missed you."

"Really?" she said breathlessly. His scent was starting to affect her.

He lowered his head so that his mouth was just above her ear – nothing more than two friends talking discreetly amid the noise and confusion of the dance floor. "The first night I kept rolling over in my bed looking for you. I hardly got any sleep. If I hadn’t brought Gary with me I think I’d have gone mad," he whispered.

"You? You took Gary? I thought I’d lost him?" Kat loved the little stuffed toy gargoyle and took him everywhere with her, She’d been upset when she couldn’t find him to bring him to Kentucky with her.

"Of course. He’s so much a part of you. I couldn’t sleep without him. Every time I touched him I remembered the time we were making love," he dropped his voice down another notch, "I was in you so deep and you were moaning in my arms, I couldn’t stop, and he fell off the table onto your chest. His face kept looking up at me, and we were laughing so hard that when you came you…"

"Stop, Kevin, please," she moaned, her nipples getting hard, and her fingers tracing circles on his neck just above the collar of his shirt.

He brushed his body up against her quickly as he kissed the tip of her ear lightly, then moved an inch or so back to his original ‘there’s nothing going on here’ position. "The second night I had to fight so hard not to call you. I was in agony. We haven’t spent that much time apart since we started."

"I know," she replied. "I wish you had called. Gods, I missed you so much." This time it was she who pressed herself against him quickly.

He groaned slightly. "We better stop this."

"Why?" she whispered, turning slightly so her lips brushed against his neck.

"Because the song is ending and it would be really difficult to explain why we’re still dancing," he chuckled.

Kat looked up, realizing that what he said was true and pushed herself away from him. He leaned over and whispered "later" in her ear and walked away.

She moved back to the table she shared with Howie and some others. He was charming some of Leighanne’s distant relatives and smiled at her when she sat down. He put his arm around her, drawing her close. "How’s my Kat?"

"Good. How we doin’?"

"Hey, that’s my line," he smiled, kissing her cheek. It felt good, great really, to be in his arms. But nothing compared to how it felt to be with Kevin. She loved Howie – that would never change. But she was in –NO! No, she couldn’t admit that. Not even to herself. Not now. Not yet.

It took a few hours for the reception to wind down and for the bride and groom to head off to the suite they were in that night. Kat was unsurprised when Howie said that he and Paul wanted to go up to their room. He had moved into Paul’s room, just down the hall from what was now her room, earlier. It did make the hollow feeling she had in her stomach about Kevin worse, though. He had head out with his brothers earlier; she assumed he was staying at his mother’s house. All this love and romance going on around her and she couldn’t spend any time with him. What had she gotten herself into with this?

She and Howie left together, after making their goodbyes. They split up in the elevator, he going to his and Paul’s room and she to her room. She sighed heavily as she opened the door. It had been a wonderful night, but confusion, and perhaps too much wine, had left her feeling let down. She truly was a third wheel. She didn’t fit anywhere. Married to Howie, who loved her as much as he could, but who, like any of her friends had done in the past, went missing as soon as a chance to spend time with his lover appeared. In this affair with Kevin, who had his own life and couldn’t be there for her if she wanted him to be. It had all seemed so right when it was happening; the marriage, the affair. Now she was in the middle of an impossible situation and didn’t know what to do.

"Are you okay?"

She let out a little shriek and looked at the bed where Kevin lay. He has replaced the ordinary hotel sheets with silken one; his body covered by the top sheet, but the folds of the fabric made it clear he was naked.

"A while ago I took something from you that I had no right to," he said.

"Gary?" she asked uncertainly.

"No. Your wedding night. I was angry and jealous and I took Howie away from you that night. I want to make up to for that. If you’ll let me."

She put her purse down and slipped out of her shoes. "I never told you how much that hurt."

"I know anyway. You and Howie may not have a sexual relationship; you may not even have wanted one. But I made sure that that didn’t happen, that night especially. And I did it for no other reason than to hurt you. I don’t ever want to hurt you again, Kat," he sat up, the sheet slipping further down his body.

She stood at the edge of the bed, trying hard not to throw herself on him. "I don’t want to be hurt, Kevin. But I don’t see how that is going to be possible."

He moved to her, kneeling on the bed in front of her. "I’m not sure either, but please let me try." When he kissed her it was gentle, soft and delicate. He rubbed his lips across hers lightly before moving it deeper. She touched his face carefully, cautiously, her fingertips gliding over his skin, his neck, and his shoulders. He groaned and the kiss turned passionate, as if he was trying to drink her all in.

She stepped back, her hands going to the buttons on her gown, but he stepped off the bed and pushed them away. "No, let me," he said as he released the dress from her, his green eyes never leaving her brown ones, his hands stroking her skin. She shivered, but it wasn’t from the cold. He slid his hand under the elastic of her panties, then drew them down her legs, planting kisses along her thighs. Instead of her stepping out of the underwear, he lifted her so that they slid off, then slowly lay her on the bed.

Somewhere else Brian and Leighanne were celebrating their wedding night. So too, Kevin and Kat celebrated a night of love that left them both breathless and dazed.

Chapter 31