© Kat Morgan 1999/2000
In Name Only
Chapter 61: Nothing to worry about, right?
"Yeah?" She didn’t look up at him, but focused sadly on the scratch marks.
He put a finger under her chin and raised her face to look at him. "I know you probably don’t want to talk about this right now, but…" He looked her straight in the eye. "I didn’t break my promise to you. I didn’t try and get CJ to call me Daddy. I know I did before, but I swear I haven’t done anything like that since. I don’t know why he did what he did. When he did. But I did not ask him to."
She smiled tremulously. "I believe you."
"If I gave him any signal or anything, I didn’t realize it. I haven’t got any idea what kind of signal I could have given him anyway. I mean, unless it was some sort of subconscious thing from the other night…" He frowned, trying hard to think of any action that would have set CJ off. "But…"
"It’s okay, Howie," Kat said, squeezing his hand. "I know you didn’t. And I did see the tape. It was just an unfortunate accident."
A shudder ran through her. And accident? Kevin didn’t love her anymore. That was an accident?
He pulled her back into his arms. "Oh baby, I am so sorry." He rubbed her back, reveling in the feel of her body against his, giving her as much strength as he could will her.
Kat put her hand up, covering his heart, feeling more than listening to its steady beat. It calmed her tremendously. "It was bound to happen."
"No, it wasn’t! Damn, I do not understand Kevin. I never have. How he could say that…" he kissed her forehead. "How could he not be in love with you? I am."
"Thank you, Howie. I needed to hear that." Kat sighed. He always knew what to say. When she needed some reassurance. She’d never need to doubt Howie’s love.
"But you didn’t," he wanted to say. "I said IN…" He was going to have to make it a little clearer.
He hugged her tighter, stroking her back, then put his hand over her hand, as it continued to lie on his chest. He raised it to his lips and kissed her fingertips softly.
Kat raised her head, looking at him, and smiled softly. When he kissed her lips she didn’t protest. Why should she? It’s not like they had never kissed before.
And when he deepened it, there was still no need to worry. This was Howie. He was a good kisser, and they had always kissed like this.
When he started to suck on her bottom lip…
God, it felt good.
It had been so long.
So long since Kevin had touched her like this. Weeks, months… She should have realized it earlier. When the sex stopped, that should have been a signal to her that it was over. But she was so stupid… She just kept on loving him, just kept on hoping that it would be all right. Stupid, stupid, stupid….
"Come on Kat, please stop crying. I hate seeing you cry," Howie whispered as he kissed away the tears that slowly started to spill from her eyes. She hadn’t even known she was crying again until he started doing that.
"I don’t mean to…" she murmured huskily.
He was sprinkling light kisses over her face, and then to her neck. She leaned into him, savoring the feeling. Her hands started to stroke his chest, gently around the scratches, feeling the play of muscle under her fingers.
She could hear his breath catch and get quicker and was about to pull away when he found that spot at the nape of her neck…. She couldn’t repress her soft moan.
Howie moved, kissing her mouth again, as deeply as before. Then leaned back and looked at her. She was enjoying it, but still hadn’t clued in to the message he was sending her. Time for another approach.
"Kat, you need to relax. Come on; get out of those business clothes. I’ll give you a back rub."
"Isn’t that usually my job?"
"Yeah, and its about time I gave you one."
She nodded and pulled a long t-shirt from the closet. She pulled off her suit and nylons, and pulled the t-shirt over her head, removing her bra in that secret way that all women are capable of and men just can’t seem to fathom.
Howie watched from the bed. That quick flash of firm flesh, clad in a bra and a pair of ragged old cotton panties. Damn she was sexy. She had put on a few pounds since CJ’s birth, mostly around the hips, but it just seemed to make her more attractive.
When had he started wanting her? Back when she would come back from being with Kevin? That glow she had? At first he thought it was still jealousy over her being with Kevin instead of him. But it wasn’t that: his eyes followed her not him. She’d walk around the garden, through that entrance in the fences between the two houses. Her hair would be wet from the shower, and she’d smell clean and fresh – though there was always this very faint odor that he knew came from sex. It never totally left her, that aura of love… No one else would have noticed it, but he always did, always wanted to.
And he WAS gay. He was still very attracted to men.
And one woman. Only one woman.
Maybe it was because of CJ. He loved that boy so much. Wished so strongly that he was his son. Kat was his mother… maybe it had started with that.
Or maybe it was what she had said, way back before they had gotten married, about sex and love. That sex can fade but love was what mattered. Only instead of it being that way, the more he loved her the more he wanted her.
Or maybe it was a subliminal thing. He knew that she and Kevin hadn’t slept together in a while. Maybe not consciously, but he had known it. And she deserved to be loved. To be desired. So when Kevin stopped (how could he have stopped?), Howie’d started.
And he knew that Kat loved him. Perhaps not that way, but if he tried…
"Lie down on the bed and let me make you feel better," he said, holding out his hand. Kat nodded and did as he asked. He knelt over her; slowly starting to knead her shoulders and back.
"Damn, you are really knotted up."
"Well, it hasn’t been a very good day," she mumbled sardonically into the blankets.
He asked several questions about the meeting she’d been in, trying to take her mind off what had happened when she’d returned to the hotel, while he continued to massage her. She was finally starting to respond, her muscles starting to unclench, when he pushed the shirt up, working her skin directly.
"Mmm, that feels so good," she sighed.
"Shh. Relax," he admonished her, as he pressed deeper. He pulled the t-shirt over her head and threw it aside as he moved his hands lowly down her spine. He did small circular motions up and down her back, enjoying the small moaning noises she made.
He moved off of her, to the side and concentrated on a difficult knot in her lower back. When he had worked it out, he stroked her entire back lightly with his fingernails. Then he leaned over and kissed the bottom of her neck.
She sighed, and he continued to move his lips slowly down her back. His hands and mouth caressed her, moving over her until her body gave that tiny little signal, that slight twitch of her hips, parting of her legs...
"Turn over," his whispered huskily, and she did. Her eyes were closed and her skin gave in pliantly as he kneaded her shoulders, arms, around her breasts and across her stomach.
There it was… that subtle scent… the one he had been hoping for…
He moved his palms back across her breasts, caressing her nipples, then lowered his mouth to them. She gave a short gasp and arched into him, one hand moving along his back. He teased it carefully, then the other nipple, making them stand erect. He moved slowly down her body, tonguing her belly button, making her curve towards him again.
Kat felt his breath on her, his mouth. How could she not? It felt so good. A part of her knew she should be protesting this…. But it was Howie. Howie’d never hurt her…
She felt a small tug at her waist as he ripped her already tattered panties off of her, and then he started to suck on her, lapping at her clit. Her gasp of surprise turned into a deep moan. She tried to object, to push him away, but he raised his head.
"Please let me do this for you…" he murmured, then went back to what he was doing before she could respond.
She was too far gone to oppose him. His mouth, his fingers… Just the knowledge that someone wanted to love her… it only took a few moments before she was writhing underneath his ministrations, a bright light burning through her. A cry coming from her throat.
Howie lapped up her juices, his mind almost dizzy with his desire for her. He crawled up her body, holding her as she trembled from the aftershocks of her orgasm, kissing her deeply, letting her taste herself on his lips.
"Thank you," she whispered, stroking his chest, kissing his neck. "Thank you."
"It’s not over yet," he replied, and she looked at him quizzically.
Her mind was still reeling from all the shocks it had gone through today and didn’t understand what he meant until he moved over her. Her eyes went wide as she felt him starting to enter her.
"No! Howie, no…"
"Yes, oh yes," he groaned as he moved deeply into her. "Oh god, Kat… I’ve wanted to do this for so long…"
"Howie, please, don’t," she tried to push him away but he was determined. "Please don’t do this…"
"I have to," he said stubbornly. "I love you Kat. I love you too much to lose you. Too much to let him hurt you." He gasped as she tried once more to buck him away, but it only drove him deeper, harder.
This couldn’t be happening… Kat’s mind went blank. She went still. Lying there as he continued to move, continued to work his way into her.
Howie just kept talking. "He’s a fool not to want you. I should have never let him near you. You are too precious to me to let him hurt you."
"I should have done this so long ago… God, you feel so good… so tight…"
"CJ should have been my son… You know you love me. Forget about him… Let me be the one… the only one…"
Kat couldn’t take it and let out a sob, "Howie, please… not this… not like this…"
He kissed her hungrily, "yes, like this… It’s the only way I can get through to you. Please Kat, tell me you love me."
He was pulling out all the stops. Every little hint and signal that her body had given him when he was giving her the massage he was using now to get her to reaction. Using her body against her…
Kat could feel that tingle start. Again. "Oh god, no. Please don’t let me…"
Howie could feel it too, feel the way her body was tightening. "Yes, Kat. Cum for me. I love you. My beautiful, beautiful wife. I am going to be the best husband… I am going to love you so much… You won’t even see him, notice him, all you’ll see is me. All you’ll want is me."
Her hips tensed further, and a tear trickled from her left eye. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be happening…
"Say it, Kat. Say my name… I want you to say my name when I make you cum… Please say it, say Howie…"
He repeated it over and over again as her body continued to betray her, and when her orgasm arrived, she couldn’t stop herself. She whispered his name as her head fell back and her hips curved in to his.
"Yes!" he crowed triumphantly as he came. "Yes, Kat! Oh baby, my Kat."
She shoved him away from her, turning on her side, sobbing. She’d betrayed Kevin. He may not love her anymore, but she still loved him. And she’d betrayed him. She’d let Howie…
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back up against him.
"It’s okay. Let it out, Kat. It’s going to be okay. God, I love you so much. We are going to make this work. I can’t do anything about CJ, but I am not letting him hurt you any more. We’re a team, you and I. We’re going to make it. We are going to be so happy."
He nuzzled her neck as she continued to cry. "Kevin is never going to hurt either of us again. I won’t let him. I’ll protect you. My wife… I love you so much…. It’ll be good. You’ll see. It’ll be the way it always should have been."
"I’m taking back what’s mine."