No
one was particularly surprised when Howie announced that he needed to get some
help with his songwriting – and that the only help he could get was in Los
Angeles. He and Kat had another long talk just before he and Todd left, and
while things were still tense they were at least still on speaking terms.
What
was a surprise was AJ’s announcement that he was going to go too. However, when
he blushingly admitted that he and Tina were back together, and that she had
work to do out of her LA office… the pieces came together quickly.
Besides,
Nick had decided that he was going to go and work on some of his writing and
production stuff too – though for some odd reason he was choosing to do that in
Upstate New York.
Brian
was suddenly left with time to spend spoiling his family rotten, and trying to
rebuild things with his old friend Kat. The former was easy and a joy to do.
The latter was prickly at best. As he noted when he was having a three-way chat
with AJ and Nick, she just wouldn’t open up.
“Open
up in general, or just about one particular subject?” Nick asked.
“You
noticed it too?” Brian sighed.
“What?”
AJ grunted.
“She’ll
talk about almost anything, with the exception of Kevin. Hell, I know
everything that Chris has done over the last few years, all about the
restaurant and so on. Not a damn thing about how she feels about Kevin. And
believe me, I tried everything,” Nick replied with an exasperated tone.
“She
talked to me about it,” AJ shrugged.
“Yeah,
but what did she say?” Brian asked.
“She said… okay, she didn’t say much. Just that she didn’t think that things there could be fixed or even that she wanted them to be. But she talked.”
Brian
snorted. “So much for the charming Bone-boy routine. He got about as much as we
did, hunh Nick?”
“Well,
like I said, other than that one time with the video, she barely acknowledges
his presence. I mean Chris can get her to talk some, but she always just
answers his direct questions and not much else.”
“Even
when the three of them are over her, she spends most of her time with Leigh or
me and hardly even talks to Kevin. Not that he’s much better. The two of them
are the Monosyllable couple. I swear, they never say anything more than “yes,”
“no,” “please” and “thank you” to each other.”
AJ
muttered something.
“Louder
AJ, couldn’t hear you,” Nick said.
“I
said that Brian shouldn’t be swearing, and that at least they are polite to
each other.”
“I
can swear all I want, as long as it’s in the Bible, you goofball,” Brian
retorted. “And polite is right. They are so damn polite it gives me a headache.
Hell, I’d give anything for the two of them to start throwing things at each
other. Anything. Just DO something!”
“I
hear you,” AJ sighed.
“I
can’t remember a time when they were ever like this. Even at the beginning when
they couldn’t stand each other there was at least some energy. Now,” Brian
groaned. “It’s just annoying. They are so lifeless around each other…”
“Even
with Chris?” Nick asked
AJ
muttered again, and Brian cleared his throat inquisitively. “Would you two
clean your ears out!”? AJ shouted. “I said, it was better when his name was
CJ.”
“That’s
a baby’s name,” Nick chuckled, using a childish voice.
“Is
not!”
“Oh
stop it, Frack. You’re making him pout.” This time when AJ mumbled the other
two ignored him. Brian continued, “Chris is always trying to get them to talk.
I don’t even think the kid knows he’s doing it, but he’s always “what do you
think, Dad?” and “isn’t that right, Momma?” About the only thing they do talk
to each other about is Chris. But even he can’t get them to talk about
themselves. If anyone even tries that the walls come slamming down and that’s
the end of the discussion.”
“Don’t
you just love stubborn people?” AJ groaned. “I wish we could just knock the
both of them upside the head or lock them in a room together or something. Either
they’ll clear everything up and get back together or it’d be a bloodbath. Whichever,
it’d be something!”
“Tell
me about it.”
There
was a companionable, but frustrated, silence.
“So
how things going on your end, AJ?” Nick finally asked.
“Good.
Getting lots done.”
“And
Tina?” Nick started making kissing noises over the phone.
“Shaddup,
Kaos,” Brian laughed. “We all know that you have some mystery woman tucked away
up there with you.”
When
Nick started stuttering, AJ chuckled. “Busted! Good guess, B-Rok. Think he’s
gonna spill about it?”
“Yeah,
Nick. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Yeah,
right. She must be a real hottie if she’s enough to get you to come to her,” AJ
teased.
“She
couldn’t get away from her job!” Nick protested. “I was more free than she
was.”
“And
you couldn’t convince her to quit her job and come down to Casa Carter Love
Shack? You are so slipping, bro.”
“I
asked her to…” Nick started, then stopped. “She just couldn’t. Not right now.”
“Yep,
he’s losing the Carter charm. Better hang it up or pass it over to Aaron.
Nick’s toast,” Brian chuckled.
“Would
you two just…”
“Methinks
we hit a sore spot, Rok. After all, Kid Nicky’s already losing magazine covers
to Aar…”
“Well
he is the cuter Carter,” Brian ribbed. “Those brown eyes and those sculpted
abs… Oh so gorgeous.”
“Hey!
That’s my brother you’re talking about! Shut up,” Nick shouted.
“So
you gonna spill, Kid Nicky? Who’s the bimbo?”
“She
is NOT a bimbo, Bone. She is great, and she likes me not the damn Nick Carter
persona. She is smart and beautiful and fun and…” Nick ran out of superlatives.
“And
you are really nuts about her,” Brian supplied.
“Yeah,”
was Nick’s dreamy response.
“Damn!
Another one bites the dust!” AJ groaned.
“Excuse
me?” Brian mocked. “Does the ‘Tina and I are just old friends’ man want to say
something?” He chuckled at the sound of AJ’s teeth gnashing. “So Nick, why
can’t you get her to come here?”
“She’s…
She’s kind of looking after Kat’s café.”
“Oops.”
“Emma?”
Brian piped in. “You better watch it, bro. Chris says he’s going to marry her
when he grows up.”
AJ
started to cackle. “I’ve heard of stealing candy from a baby, but girlfriends?
You are so bad, Nick.”
“Ha.
Ask Chris. He said its okay for us to see each other,” Nick retorted.
“You
asked his permission?” Brian laughed. “Oh yeah, Nick’s a goner.”
“Shut
up,” Nick mumbled, with a deep blush on his face. He was sure they could see
the rosy hue from where they were.
He
was getting used to the monotone grey-ish tone of the walls in their hotel
room. Hadn’t he spent enough time there? Not that Kat or Chris knew that – he
was always careful to make sure he never moved anything. Heck, he was able to
negotiate through the room in the dark now. Just had to watch for dropped toys.
Every
day the same thing: he’d arrive to pick up Chris around 9. Sometimes they’d
have breakfast together, sometimes not. They’d spend the day together more
often than not, usually with Brian. Then she’d take off for a few hours in the
late afternoon to do whatever it was she was doing. She wouldn’t say and he
couldn’t ask. No matter how hard he wanted to. He’d drop Chris off again at
around 6 or 7 and then leave.
And
come back at around 2 a.m. to watch her sleep for a few hours.
Then
he’d go home and finally crash until it was time to get up again.
Every
day for almost a week now. Same thing.
It
had become his new drug. Better than all the alcohol he had been consuming
(Tina’d be proud), but still not able to help him deal with the problem. After
all, he still couldn’t talk to her. Didn’t know what to say. Even when he
watched her, curled up at night with Chris snuggled in her arms, he couldn’t
figure out what it was the he wanted to say.
So
everyday they continued with that saccharin, cloyed politeness, and every night
he watched her, trying so hard to figure out what to say.
Man,
was he ever a loser!
“Momma,
can’t I wear the blue one?”
“Toffee,
you wore that yesterday. And its got stains all over it, remember?”
“Oh
yeah.” Chris thought for a second. “The orange one?”
“You
mean the one with the orange on it?” Chris nodded. “Okay. I think that’s still
in there.”
Kevin
leaned up against the doorframe as Kat rifled through the drawer looking for
the t-shirt that Chris wanted. He had to say something. Today he was going to
say…
Instead
he stepped back as she turned, so that she couldn’t see him. Chris had, though.
He exchanged a glance with his father, and checked to see if Kat has seen him.
Didn’t look like it. He gave his father another quick glance then asked the
question that had been percolating in his mind for days now.
“Momma?
Why couldn’t Daddy be with us before?”
Kat
pulled the t-shirt over Chris’ head. “We talked about this, Chris. Your daddy
has a lot of work to do and is always away performing. He loves you very much,
as you know, and it just made more sense to be apart. Do you want your baseball
cap?”
Chris
nodded and grabbed it from the bed beside him. “That’s not what Daddy says. He
says that he always wanted to be with us before, but we couldn’t.”
That
had Kat’s attention. “What else did he say?”
Chris
shrugged. “He said I should ask you. So I’m asking you.”
Kat
sat back on her heels, trying to think of what to say. She looked at her son –
a miniature version of Kevin, the stamp of his father’s features so deeply
imprinted on him.
“Chris,
you and I always agreed to tell each other the truth, haven’t we?” Chris
nodded. “Well, when I told you that it was the truth, but it also wasn’t. You see,
it is awfully hard to explain all of this and I was afraid you wouldn’t
understand. But if you really want to know what happened, I’ll tell you. And
I’ll try as hard as I can to make it easy for you to figure out. Okay?”
Chris
nodded vigorously. “And you definitely want to know?” He nodded again, glancing
over her shoulder to where his father hovered in the doorway.
Kat
didn’t notice. She was too busy trying hard to decide how to go about this.
“Okay…
No, that isn’t going to work,” Kat muttered to herself, then finally looked up
at Chris and started.
“You
know your uncle Howie? Well, you see, I used to be married to him…”
“Not
Daddy?”
“No
Toffee, not to your daddy. I was married to Uncle Howie and I loved him a lot.
But Howie is kind of like, umm… You know Gary and Paul, mommy’s friends on the
Town Council?” Chris nodded. “You know how they love each other, but they don’t
love women.”
Chris
thought for a moment. “Mrs. McGillicuddy says they are evil cos they kiss each
other.”
“Well,
they do kiss each other, but I don’t think they are evil. You see most times
women and men love each other, but every once in a while there are men who love
men and women who love women. Do you understand?”
“I
think so. And it’s not bad?”
“No,
sweetheart, its just how things are. Do you think Gary and Paul are evil?”
“No!
I like them. Mrs. McGillicuddy is nasty cos she is mean to everyone, but Unca
Gary always lets me sit in the big chair in the meeting room. And he always
tells me funny stories. Unca Paul tells me all about how great you are and how
I am lucky to have a mommy like you. So I KNOW they aren’t bad.”
Kat
chuckled. “Yeah, they are good people. It’s just that they love each other, and
some people don’t like that. Well, you see, your Uncle Howie is the same way.
He falls in love with men. And just like Mrs. McGillicuddy is mean about it, so
are lots of people. They don’t understand. They think that just because you
love someone of the same sex that you are bad. But we both know that if you are
a bad person it has nothing to do with who you love – it has to do with not
loving everyone.”
“I
think I understand.”
“Good.
So you see, because Uncle Howie was a singer a lot of people thought that he
should only love women. And he was afraid that people wouldn’t like him if told
the truth…”
“People
are stupid,” Chris snorted.
“Maybe.
But because of it, he asked me to marry him. And because he was my best friend
I said okay.”
“Oh.”
Chris frowned. “What about Daddy?”
Kat
chuckled. “I’m coming to that. Now, you know that Uncle Howie and your daddy
are in the same group. And so I got to meet your daddy. And we didn’t like each
other,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose. Chris laughed and ran a finger
over her nose scrunches.
“Daddy
was mean?”
“No.
We just didn’t understand each other. It took some time, but we finally did
start to like each other. And then we started to love each other. And that’s
when you came along.”
“But…”
“Yeah,
there was the problem. I was married to your uncle Howie and everyone though
that we were a family. Only we all knew that wasn’t true.”
“Oh.”
Chris looked pensive. “Not good.”
“No,
it wasn’t. And we all started to fight. A lot. And we all said and did some
really mean things to each other. And those things hurt a lot. And when it hurt
me too much, I left your uncle Howie and your daddy and you and I went away so
we could be alone. You see, I knew that you could hear all the fighting and I
was afraid it would hurt you. And Chris, the one thing that all of us always
felt, no matter what else we said, was that we all loved you so much.”
A
lone tear trickled down Chris’ face. “Really?”
Kat
pulled him into her arms. “Oh yes, Toffee. Just because we couldn’t get along
together had nothing to do with you. We all agreed that we all loved you so
much.”
Chris
looked up at his father and Kevin nodded his agreement, then mouthed “I love
you.” The little boy smiled then hugged Kat tightly.
“So
is uncle Howie still your husban’?”
“No,
honey. We got a divorce. And he tells everyone that he loves men, now. It was
hard for him to do that at first, but he does it because hiding it the way we
all did hurt us all too much.”
“And
Daddy…”
“Chris,
your daddy loves you so very much. What I did was wrong – I was so angry at him
that I took you away from him. I didn’t let him know where you were so that he
could see you. And I told you he was always busy because, well he was. But more
as an excuse. That was so very wrong of me. Can you ever forgive me?”
“He
did want to see me?”
“Of
course, darling. Why do you think he is with you every chance he gets? He loves
you so much.”
“Then
why…”
“Like
I said, we hurt each other a lot with the things we said. And I was so angry
with him. And so scared that he would take you away from me. So I took you away
from him. It was wrong and I shouldn’t have done it, but I was so scared and I
love you so much,” Kat started to cry softly, the emotions she’d had a plug on
for so long starting to seep out.
“Don’t
cry, Momma. I know. Its okay,” Chris hugged her tightly.
Kevin
stepped back to brush the tears from his eyes and to regain his composure as
Kat and Chris clung to each other.
“Momma?”
“Yes,
Toffee.”
“I
got one more question.”
“You
HAVE one more question,” she corrected.
“Yeah.
Do you still love my daddy?”
Kevin’s
eyes bugged out. Now that what the million dollar question! And trust the boy
to ask it where days of trying to get up the nerve to himself had failed.
“Chris,
when you look up at the sky at night, what do you see?”
Chris
frowned. “Stars?”
“Yep.
How many of them are there?”
“Hundreds
and hundreds.”
“And
remember when we went to Cape Canaveral? What did they say that stars were?”
“They
are lots of suns. Just like our sun.”
“Right.
And if they are suns, they probably have planets around them, don’t they?”
Chris nodded. “And if they are planets they probably have people on them. They
may not look like us, but they are people.”
“Yeah,”
Chris’ eyes glowed. “And they probably have tentacles and weird fur and googly
eyes and stuff. They might even breathe smoke or water or fire or something.
And look like blobs.”
Kat
chuckled. “Could be. So, guess what? Out of all those people, no matter how
funny they look, on all of those planets that circle all of those suns, which
look like stars to us… Out of all of those millions and millions of people in
the whole universe… there is only one person that I love more than your daddy.
Can you guess who that is?”
“CHRISTOFFEE!”
Chris crowed with a humongous grin on his face and flung his arms around her
again.
“You
got it, baby,” Kat chuckled as he squeezed her.
Chris
looked up at Kevin over Kat’s shoulder with a questioning smile on his face.
Kevin
just wiped his eyes again, answered Chris’ smile with one of his own and mouthed,
“thank you.”