Chapter 23: Reasons

"Forget it," Kat said stubbornly. She had fought with him about this the entire trip from the airport to the hotel. Now she refused to leave the room, afraid he would trick her once again.

"You don't love me?"

"Gods!" she exploded. "I love you so much it hurts. It is killing me to see that wounded look on your face and to know I caused it. But I can't marry you, Howie."

"Why? You haven't given me a good reason."

"I can't be trusted."

He sighed, exasperated. "You are not going to start this again are you? Yes; you slept with AJ. That is in the past. It's over, let's move on. I love you, and I promised you I would never leave your side again. I mean it, and I want you to be my wife."

"Its not just AJ. It's… I haven't told you the whole truth about me," she said turning away.

He looked at her silently, waiting for her to continue.

"There are a lot of reasons why we can't get married."

"Like what?"

"I'm older than you."

"I know how old you are, Kat."

"No, you don't. I told you I was 30. I'm older than that. I'm…"


She gaped at him. "You knew?"

"You gave me your passport to hold when you were checking into the hotel in Orlando, before Brian's barbecue, remember? I peeked."

"And you never said anything?"

He shrugged his shoulders; "it never mattered. Doesn't now."

Kat could tell that one excuse wasn't going to work and so she moved on to her next one. "I'm not Catholic. I'm hardly even Christian."

He laughed, "You always say 'gods.' It’s a dead giveaway. Not news to me."

"But Howie, you are Catholic. And it does matter. You even want a big Catholic wedding. A quickie Las Vegas one isn't going to cut it."

"I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I want to have children with you, to grow old with you. I could care less about the ceremony, just as long as that happens," he said, pulling her into his arms, trying to reassure him, but she pushed him back and walked away. He could see how pale she looked suddenly and was about to go over to here, but she held her hand up, signaling him to stay put.

"Then here is where I dash any of your hopes," she said dully. "I can't marry you because I had an abortion when I was 18. It was a little complicated and I don't think I can have children."

That stopped him. "What…?"

"It was an accident, obviously." She laughed humorlessly, "My first lover. He made a lot of promises about how nothing would happen, and when it did he couldn't leave fast enough. My parents helped me through, but I can never forget the disappointment in their eyes. When the bleeding started afterwards…"

"Oh, Kat," he held onto her so tightly. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"It was hardly fit dinner conversation. And I really never thought it would come up."

"Even after all I said, you never believed I would stay, did you?"

She had started down on this path of absolute honesty; she had to finish it. "No. I thought, if anything, we would have a happy affair for a few years. But that would be all."

He turned her around, facing him and brushed back her hair with his strong hands, cupping her face. "I love you. And I want you to be by my side for the rest of my, our, life. None of this matters. Just that you say yes."

Kat was crying in earnest now. "I can’t, Howie. I've broken every law that you believe in. I'm not worthy of you. I'm sorry, I can't."

"Please, Kat," he begged.

"I know why you are doing this. You are doing this just because of AJ. You are doing this because he says he's in love with me, and you want to beat him at this. I am not a game, Howie. And I am not marrying you," she said angrily and fled to the bathroom before he could stop her.

He watched her go. Unable to stop her. Aware that some of what she said was true. He didn’t want AJ to get anywhere near her. Was afraid of what would happen. The other things hurt too. He did want a big wedding, with his family and friends there to celebrate the love he had found. And the idea of not having children with Kat's twinkling eyes and her intelligence. That was unthinkable.

He walked over to the phone. "Kevin? Hi, it's Howie. How's Nick?"

"And the charges are being dropped? That's good."

"No, its not going so well," he sighed. "I thought it was but we've hit a snag."

"Yeah, he called."

"He told her."

"I don't know why. I can't blame him; I love her, too. There is so much there to love."

"No, it isn't helping."

"We should be there tomorrow or the day after. We need a little time."

"Okay. I'll call later."

He walked over to his suitcase and opened it. He pulled out a long, specially wrapped bundle and opened it to reveal the white dress that he had so admired. He placed it flat on the bed and then pulled the small jewel case from his pocket. He opened it, gazing at the lustrous diamond, then sighed and put it down on the bed beside the dress.


"Canadian officials confirm that all charges against Nickolas Carter of the Backstreet Boys have been dropped. Another suspect is in custody on the charge of sexual assault. A spokesperson for the pop group expressed sadness that a crime had been committed, but relief that Mr. Carter had been cleared of all allegations."

Kat pushed another button on the remote, changing channels.

"Insiders report that an unnamed witness is responsible for the dismissal of the charges against the youngest member of the group, Backstreet Boys. A spokesperson confirms that some last minute evidence was brought to light, however, none of the band members themselves have commented…"

"So, now they know," Howie said as he moved closer to her.

"I'm happy for Nick. He can really relax now," she said, as she slipped down under the covers, cuddling up against his warm, firm, muscular body.

"We'll have to go tomorrow. That's probably why they haven't said anything; they're waiting for you."

"Oh great. I'm going to be in the middle of media circus," she groaned.

"Sorry about that. I'll be there to pull you through."

"You will?" she said, as she nibbled on his earlobe. "You'll pull me through?"

"More like pull you on," he responded huskily, kissing her neck.

"Oh, I'd like that…" she whispered as she covered his body with hers, kissing his throat and flicking her tongue over his chest. He hand slipped down under the covers, stroking his growing erection. "Is that what I am going to be pulled onto?"

He groaned as her fingers expertly worked their magic. "Yeah. Is it off any interest?"

She straddled his waist, then impaled herself on him, bearing down hard. He moaned loudly as her slick walls closed around him tightly, gripping her thighs and shifting his hips. She rode him hard, fast, deeply, bringing them both to orgasm fast, then collapsing on him with one last wild cry of joy.

He flipped her onto her back, and licked the sweat off of her breasts, sucking on her nipples, making them, and him, hard again. She was making the soft purring noises that he loved so much, and he buried his face into her stomach, biting and nibbling as he worked his way down to her thighs. He lifted one leg up, running his firm tongue along the sensitive skin on the back of her thigh. He moved his attention to her other leg, then slid a finger inside her, delighting in her wetness. He slid another finger in, then moved his mouth onto her. She was writhing now, and he was forced to hold her down as he licked, sucked and nibbled on her swollen clit. He slid a damp finger down her, caressing her anus lightly. She shrieked with pleasure and he slowly slid the tip of his finger in, as his tongue plunged into her. He could feel her orgasm build, but pulled away when she was getting too close.

She looked at him with passion enflamed eyes, and pulled his mouth down on hers, whispering in his mouth, "fuck me, Howie. Fuck me, hard."

He needed no further invitation and penetrated her quickly, brutally. He lifted one leg up, over his shoulder as he thrust deeper and deeper into her. She was gasping for breath, forcing her hips up to meet his. "Faster, harder," she begged as she slammed herself forward, pulling him in more and more.

This time it was she who moved her finger around him, plunging it deep into his asshole. It was unexpected and he jerked harshly in her, crying out his pleasure.

The bed shook ominously as he pounded into her willing flesh. Her fingernails dug into his back, arousing him further. They had never been like this before; so violent, so fierce. He wanted to overpower her, to be mastered himself. "You like this, Kat? You want it harder?" he panted.

"Gods, yes! Fuck me, Howie. Just keep on fucking me," she moaned, then arched her back sharply as her orgasm swept closer and closer.

"You are mine. Only mine. Say it, Kat."

"I'm yours, Howie. Oh! Oh! Howie!" she screamed as she came in a wild burst, his orgasm roaring through him at the same time. "Kat! My Kat! Oh God!"

Chapter 24