WARNING: This chapter contains slash. M/M action. Read at your own risk!
"So who is he?"
"Who's who?"
"The man. The guy. The one you're in love with."
Brian stopped rubbing the water out of his freshly-showered hair and sat down heavily on the bed. "What makes you think there is a someone like that?"
Corey smiled sadly. "Been there. Done that."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Brian asked defensively.
Corey sighed. "Didn't mean to upset you, man. What I meant was that was how I figured out I was gay too. I mean, I thought guys were hot and all, but damn… when I met him I was a goner. Totally and completely. It was like all that I have ever wanted to have, to be, was poured into one person and there he was, standing in front of me."
"It's like one moment he is just a guy and the next he is everything in the world. He breathes and you breathe with him. He smiles and your heart bursts with joy…" Brian continued softly.
"That the only thing you want to do is be with him. See him. Feel him. You feel like you are out of control, but who needs control anyway, if you could just have him."
Brian swallowed convulsively. "Lust," he said almost dismissively.
Corey shook his head. "No. Lust is one thing. This is another. Lust is 'he makes me so damn horny I want to ride him all night long.' This is… this is a forever kind of thing."
Brian put his face in the damp towel, trying to collect his thoughts. Finally he sighed and stood, moved back towards the washroom. "Only this can't be. I can't have him. That's not the way it can be."
Corey gazed at his retreating back, his heart hurting for him. He'd been there. He knew it - knew it all. And he also knew the thing that this guy was obviously feeling: it was the best - and the worst - thing in the world.
A minute or two later Brian returned. "Look, Cor. You're a nice guy and all, but …"
His words were met with a chuckle. "Save the 'this is only a one time thing' speech. I got it. Got it. Just asking, you know? I mean, it's not too long ago I came out. It's kinda cool to be, like, the 'older, wiser' one. So I was just trying to help. If I stepped on toes just tell me to shut up, okay?"
Brian smiled. "Thanks. This is all… new to me."
Corey came over to give him a quick hug, which turned into something much longer as Brian suddenly clung to him, trying to gain as much stability from the other man as possible. Corey rubbed his back, murmuring words of concern, support, and most importantly, acceptance.
After a short while, the rubbing became stroking and the words turned into kisses as the two men started to feel the heat again. Soon both were once again lying back on the bed, hands feverishly groping, tongues working heatedly and moans spilling out of both of their mouths.
Corey started to stroke lightly around the pucker of Brian's anus and that sent shivers throughout Brian's body. He allowed Corey's finger to breach him, moving until he found Brian's prostate. A light tap and Brian was almost screaming with desire. However, the feeling that this was wrong flooded through Brian. And despite the pleasure he was receiving, Brian shook his head, slowly pushing Corey's hands away.
Corey into his eyes, seeing the message that Brian was trying to send him in spite of his inability to speak clearly. He leaned down and kissed him deeply before leaning back with a smile. "Not that. That's for him. Whoever he is. When it finally happens. I get that. But, God, Brandon… if I don't get to have you inside me I think I'm going to die," he whispered huskily.
Brian moaned. Not sure whether it was due to his words, or the loss of his fingers from his body, or they way they were now stroking up and down on his thick, hard member. He didn't care: all of it was too much input. He moaned again, arching against Corey's lean body.
With many more gasps of pleasure, some reassurance and instruction, Brian soon found lying between Corey's open legs. His penis was sheathed in a condom and well-lubed. All he had to do was move his fingers out and sink into Corey's hot core. And judging from the way the other man was arching, pleading, that was about to happen.
He couldn't believe it. All those years of wanting… here it was. It was about to happen. Not with the one he wanted, of course, but he would figure that out later. What was important was that the feelings, the desires he'd had inside of himself for so long were finally going to be answered. He glanced at the clock beside Corey's bed as he removed his fingers and pressed the rounded, covered head of his member against Corey's ring of muscle, slowly entering him.
4:25.
"At 4:25, I finally did it. I finally accepted myself for the gay man I am. I finally…" Any more thoughts he had fled as the pleasure took over.
He hummed lightly as he pulled up in front of his house. He'd had another shower at Corey's, and then left the man with a promise to come and see him again.
He'd stopped on the way home, getting Leighanne some flowers. He knew it was his guilty conscience that forced him to do that, but, in a way, he didn't care. He'd done it. He'd 'lost his virginity.' He stifled a small giggle. He finally knew what was missing and it was as beautiful and wonderful and downright hot as he had expected it to be. Okay, so a little messy too, but so was normal sex.
Normal sex.
He even thought of them differently. The sex he had with Leigh, that was just sex. Normal sex. Plain sex. Different from what he knew sex could be. He finally knew the difference between the two. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with that knowledge, but for now he just wanted to revel in it.
He'd had sex. With a man. How wonderful was that?
The house echoed slightly as he entered. No one around. He glanced at his watch and frowned. Where was everyone? Leigh should be home making supper and Thomas Jr. playing with his trucks and engines.
Wait! Hadn't it been his day to pick up his son from daycare? He frowned trying to remember the schedule, but it eluded him. Of course, if he had been supposed to pick up his son and Leighanne had had to go do it because of his oversight that would explain their absence. He was really going to catch shit when they got home. And how could he do that? Forget his son? What kind of a father was he?
The kind who was having sex with another man.
That should have upset him, but oddly, it just made him smile. He'd finally come to terms with it all. He was gay. That was it. It would change things, he was sure of that, but it was how he was. And he wasn't going to lie to himself about it any more. Wasn't going to lie to her.
The phone rang and he wandered over to pick it up. He had figured it was Leigh calling to chew him out but smiled as he saw Kevin's caller id flash up on the screen. "Hey, cus. How's it going?"
"My god, Brian! Where have you been?"
He frowned." Ah, out. Why?"
"Have you listened to your machine?"
Brian glanced over at the blinking box. 10 messages. "Not yet. Was just about to. What's up?"
"Don't! I'll be right there. Don't do anything. Just wait for me." Kevin slammed the phone down before Brian could answer. Brian rolled his eyes. Kevin was so damn dramatic sometimes. Probably some new trick that the record company had played. Fine. Let Kevin play the all-conquering hero: he was thirsty.
He wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke from the fridge, smiling at Thomas' latest fingerpainting masterpiece that was stuck on the door. The kid may not be an expert, but he sure was enthusiastic. And he liked the colour blue. A lot.
He wandered back to the living room, turning on the television and flipping through the channels quickly. Nothing. Hundreds of channels and nothing on. Booring.
Finishing off his drink, he dropped the can in the recycling bin. Kevin'll be proud when he gets here, he thought quickly. What was taking him? Maybe it was better to be prepared…
He headed back to the living room and hit the message button. The tape swirled back and then clicked as it finally hit the beginning.
"Mr. Littrell? It's Helen Mercer from General Presbyterian Hospital. Mr. Littrell, there has been an accident. We need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible…"
"Brian? It's Kevin. Where are you, man? I got a call from the hospital saying Leigh and Tommy'd been in an accident. Where are you? What's going on?"
"Brian, just tried your cell. Is it dead again? Look you have to call me. NOW. I'm at the hospital. It doesn't look good, man. Call me."
"Mr. Littrell. Helen Mercer from General Presbyterian, again. Mr. Littrell, it is imperative that you please come here immediately. There has been an accident involving your wife and son. A very bad accident. It's 4:20 p.m. Please either call me at 555-123-4578 as soon as possible or head to the Emergency entrance of General Presbyterian as soon as you get this message."
"Brian? It's Mama Wallace. Oh Brian, it's not good. (Sob). Where are you? You need to get here. Please. They… they don't think they are going to make it, Brian. My little girl. My sweet baby girl. Little Tommy… Oh God, please don't take them from me…" "Brian? It's Kevin. Call me. Now. Brian, please…"
Brian was staring at the machine in shock and didn't hear the door open until Kevin grabbed his arm, turning him. He stared at his taller cousin.
"Leigh?" he whispered. Kevin shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "Tommy?" Another head shake.
It was a good thing Kevin was there: someone needed to catch Brian as he fell.
~~~~ End Flashback ~~~~